Tonight may not have seemed extraordinary, and there wasn’t anything particularly exciting about it, at least from an outside perspective. I dabble in my creative projects every once in a while, using up what art products I have. It’s a slow and steady process, held with the hope of getting an online art shop up soon.
Last year I came across a box of free tiles at an estate sale, and thought I could put them to use. I wasn’t sure exactly what I would do with them, but I knew it was a gift for me -an incentive to begin creating mosaics. I’ve wanted to make them for as long as I can remember, but never started. Even though there have been plenty of times I came across materials, or had broken something by accident and thought, I could make this into a mosaic, I never followed through with those inspirations.
I was working on a puzzle in one of the classes I subbed at recently, and I remember getting into the flow—inspecting each piece's shape and color, then searching for its spot. I thought working on a mosaic must have a similar feeling, another urge that reminded me of the long-held desire to create mosaics.
I ventured off to the craft store to get some more supplies and got to work. I spent hours sorting through pieces, arranging them to get just the right fit. It was a process that I found quite relaxing, and just as I suspected, similar to building a puzzle. The difference between creating a mosaic from random pieces and putting together a puzzle though, is that the final outcome is not set.
I wasn’t necessarily in the mood to make anything tonight, and I wasn't feeling creative. I was irritated. There was a list of reasons I was in a bad mood that I won’t dwell on. I know the feeling all too well, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned movement works best to direct the energy, rather than letting it dissipate due to stagnation. So it was either the gym, or make something in an effort to regulate myself.
At first, I had tried to numb out like I often do by watching a movie, but the inner voice was too loud, forcing me to be honest with myself. I turned it on out of habit. It can be hard to distinguish the difference between genuinely feeling called to watch a movie, and doing it to numb the mind. I used to feel so accomplished when I quit a bad habit, until I finally faced the fact that I was only replacing one thing for the other. It was time to start actively reprogram my mind.
I took it a step further tonight and forced myself to not overthink my creative process. When I teach art classes, I often come across adults who are afraid of making mistakes -something you rarely see in kids’ classes. It’s a pattern I’ve noticed, one which evidently had to be developed somewhere between being a child enthralled in play and an adult when the world became so serious. I’ve had conversations with students that revealed the culprit -other adults, in some way, shape, or form. It is so evident to me there is something in them that needs to be released. I found myself following the same pattern, afraid of making mistakes.
I told myself I would learn to trust my process again as I sat down to create these mosaics. I had no specific vision, but my impulse was to dump everything I had out and sort the pieces until I found just the right ones. Another mess though -and I am so sick of making messes. I decided to make it even more challenging by using the pieces I had already dumped into egg cartons and sorted. No more giant messes to leave me overwhelmed.
My mind began counting the pieces I had laid down. Eight. I remember being taught to use odd numbers in design. How can I change my design to reach an odd number? I sorted the glass around. Eight it was. I would go against the grain again with my even numbers. Realizing soon after it didn’t matter how many pieces I would use. I could use whatever I wanted. It’s art. I want to stop overthinking it.
It took me about an hour and a half to design and glue on the two four-by-four twin tiles I created tonight, adding to my collection, bringing that total now to eight mosaics, some that still need grout.
That frustration I was feeling earlier too is gone now. The energy has been dispersed.